Exposing Abusers & Enablers in the National Naval Officers Association
SHAME SHAME SHAME
I will not stay silent so you can stay comfortable.
It is terrible for everyone when the truth does not come out.
It is terrible for SOME when it does.
This upcoming article will be published in the 2021 revised edition of my memoir, BONSHEA Making Light of the Dark, and included in my documentary, website, upcoming speaking engagements and radio interviews.
Remembering and telling the truth about terrible events, obscene disrespect and betrayals are prerequisites both for the restoration of the social order and for the healing of individual victims. What you can't say owns you. What you hide controls you.
"Without some form of public acknowledgement, all social relationships remain contaminated by the corrupt dynamics of denial and secrecy." - Judith Herman, M.D., Trauma
The balancing act of trusting your own boundaries and recognizing where people are in their own development is a continual lesson in life. I always see the potential in people rather than seeing who they are being in the present moment. As we journey with people, they will show us who they are.
Today, when people show me who they are, I BELIEVE THEM.
Although I am only one small voice, I believe a "a single pebble affects an entire ocean."
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”― Anne Lamott
Violators cannot live with the truth; Survivors cannot live without it.
"Staying silent is like a slow growing cancer to the soul and a trait of a TRUE COWARD. There is nothing intelligent about not standing up for yourself. You may not win every battle. However, everyone will at least know what you stood for - YOU -" - Shannon L. Alder
I choose to not participate in the silence that protects perpetrators and isolates survivors.
1. Think they have it all together instead
of admitting their weaknesses.
2. Are defensive instead of open to feedback. 3. Are self-righteous instead of humble. 4. Only apologize instead of changing their behavior. 5. Avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them. 6. Demand trust, instead of earning it. 7. Believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults. 8. Blame others instead of taking responsibility. 9. Will lie instead of being honest. 10. Are stagnant instead of growing. 11. Avoid closeness instead of connecting. 12. Are only concerned about "I" instead of "we" (not relationship centered) 13. Resist freedom instead of encouraging it. 14. Condemn us instead of forgiving us. 15. Stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals. 16. Are unstable over time instead of being consistent. 17. Are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one. 18. Gossip instead of keeping our confidences. SAFE PEOPLE 1. Value love - connection - have the ability to trust. 2. Value responsibility (take responsibility for themselves and value that in others) Neither overly dependent on others nor codependent - feeling responsible for others 3. Value honesty - ability to be known - transparent -who they really are.
4. Working on their own issues 5. Respond to truth 6. Have a good track record (may fail, but learn from failure and move on, are in progress of making a good track record even if this is a new beginning for them) 7. Can be observed and tested - see them in interactions with other people (test them with a small part of yourself, share a part of your heart and see what happens) 8. Bear good fruit in your life by being with them (encourage you to grow individually and in your connection with other people)
Posted by Coral Anika Theill Author, Advocate, Speaker & Reporter D.V., Rape & Ritual Abuse Victim/Survivor Erased/Alienated Mother of 8 Memoir: Bonshea Making Light of the Dark
"Short Rations for Marines" Website: www .coralanikatheill.com
BONSHEÁ – Yaqui Indian – meaning ‘out of the darkness into the light’
"I have spent long hours trying to make some sense of my life and have come to the conclusion that when horror overcomes us the only response possible is to remember what happened and tell the story." - Coral Anika Theill, Bonshea Making Light of the Dark
The price for my own safety and freedom in 1996 was an imposed, unnatural and unwanted separation from my eight children, including my nursing infant. The injustice committed against me is not just the physical separation from my children, but the willful desecration of the mother-child relationship and bond, a sacred spiritual and emotional entity.
"To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours. To those who PROTECT the perpetrators: blaming the victims only masks the evil within, making you as guilty as those who abuse. STAND UP for the innocent or go down with the rest." - Flora Jessop