OPEN LETTER: Alienated & Erased Protective Mother Shares Her Story with Kalie Cannon - The Hand
"It takes a powerful person to cry out despite those who'd prefer the convenience of silence. It takes a fearless person to allow their sadness to come out from the tight box of cultural expectations to be expressed and processed. And it takes a world of strength for the same person to be true to their feelings, own their emotional territory --- to walk into the very chaos of its outright messiness --- and uncover the paragons of victory and joy that were held by them, for such an aching long time, so quietly within." - Susan Frybort
A true life story based in Monmouth, Independence, and Corvallis, Oregon.
Dear Kalie Cannon,
My name is Coral Anika Theill, aka Kathryn Y. (Hall) Warner. I am an author, advocate, reporter & D.V., rape, and ritual abuse victim and survivor. On Mother's Day, you left a comment on my daughter's Facebook post.
Reading my daughter's Mother's Day post and your comment caused me grief. My daughter has not spoke to me since 1998. Sadly, her words echoed 'alternative facts' and untruths. I wonder, Kalie, if you knew the truth, would you revise your comment or dismiss me, blame the victim and choose to further perpetuate lies?
I am sharing my story with you to give my life a voice, and to intellectually and emotionally create change. Since my daughter, Rachel (Warner) White, has blocked me from her Facebook page [and life], I have no way to communicate with her.
Please let Rachel know that I love her and miss her and hope we can re connect someday in the near future. I continue to pray for her highest good.
Many children who have no contact with their protective parent have clear functional amnesia. They have no memories other than those created and re-created by the controlling parent. These children successfully re-program who and what they are outside as well as within.
I know, without a doubt, that "Nobody Can Erase the Imprint of a Mother's Love." The imprint of a mother's love is strong, more natural and more resilient than the effects of human evil.
"And just as there is a special beauty and importance to relationships between mothers and their children, there is a special and extraordinary cruelty in the abusive man who attempts to break or weaken the mother-child bond, whether by turning children against their mother, by harming the children physically, sexually or psychologically, or by attempting to take custody of the children away from her." Lundy Bancroft, Child Custody Justice
My daughter, Rachel (Warner) White, has not reached out to me, even when I was homeless and living out of my car for several years. She (and her siblings) have alienated and shunned me. I have not been invited to their graduations, weddings, or informed about my many grandchildren. I learned through friends that Rachel's first born son was born on my birthday, May 11th. I doubt my grandchildren know the truth about my plight from an abusive marriage and my survival.
Sadly, while excluding me from their weddings, my children were quite comfortable inviting my mother and grandmother who sex trafficked me and abused me for years when I was a child. My children were comfortable inviting rapists, abusers and an Oregon Sex Offender to their weddings. I have also been shunned by my in-laws. (i.e, Coach Jeff and Jodi McKay, Corban University) Why? I have never met my grandchildren. Why?
Coral at Portland International Airport
I visited Oregon for the first time in 11 years in September 2016 and left my phone number, email address and gifts for my children with Joshua Warner, [Rachel's brother] at his Corban University office. Not one of my eight children contacted me. Why?
Rachel and her twin sister, Sarah, had not talked with me since 1998. They wrote me before their weddings telling me I was NOT INVITED (I have a copy of their letter) and informed me they did not want anything to do with me. I have honored their wishes.
The only other time I heard from my twin daughters was in 2010. Rachel's twin sister, Sarah (Warner) Bobeda, called me within minutes of my abusive mother's death. I had been on the phone with my mother while she died. My mother shared with me that she was never sorry for sex trafficking me for years when I was a young child.
I wished my daughters well that night. They have been involved in assisting my abusive ex-husband in brainwashing my children to hate and despise me and supporting his ongoing abuse of me personally and in court. Their call added more pain and distress on that tragic night. I believe my children lack compassion for me, their mother.
Rachel expressed that her efforts in contacting me has not been well received in the past. I would hope Rachel could understand that calling me the evening my mother died after shunning me for 12 years was hurtful, insensitive and confusing for me.
My adult children often find themselves supporting abusers and abusing victims.
Since my daughter (and all my eight children) have alienated and erased me from their life as well as blocking me from writing them, I am sending this OPEN LETTER to you with the hope you will envision yourself as the women and mother in this story.
I hope my OPEN LETTER will help you, your friends and family to better understand the plight of battered women, rape victims and survivors. I hope my OPEN LETTER will create a dialogue about D.V., rape and child abuse. I hope you will speak to my daughter on my behalf as well as to her brothers and sisters and recommend they seek help outside the Christian fundamental circles that have reinforced their hatred and misplaced anger toward me. (CARDVA, Corvallis, Oregon and Christine Pahl, MS, LPC, Salem, Oregon)
I have learned that confronting abuse and violence is ugly and requires difficult self-examination.
There are not always two sides to every story. Our determination to pursue truth by setting up a fight between two sides leads us to assume that every issue has two sides--no more, no less. But if you always assume there must be an 'other side' you may end up scouring the margins of science or the fringes of lunacy to find it. This explains, in part, the bizarre phenomenon of Holocaust denial, among other denials, and that river flows through lots of courtrooms.
Individuals who escape abuse and torture deserve the utmost respect and support. These people have risked it all to heal and stand up for the truth. These people are heroes and angels who hold a horrific reality for everyone else. They have suffered and escaped, and for that, we should bow our head in reverence and listen to their stories.
My case history in Oregon courts [1995 to date] has been documented by several physicians and advocates, including my counselor and mentor of 20 years, Barbara A. May, PhD, RN PMHP, Professor Emerita of Nursing, Linfield College, Portland, Oregon, as one of Oregon's most violent and obscene rape and domestic violence cases.
On Mother's Day, I posted several articles to comfort protective mothers who are also alienated from their children. Losing permanent custody and visitation of your children feels like being doused in oil and set on fire. Healing is slow and difficult. The pain never goes away.
Until the Lion Learns How to Write Every Story Will Glorify the Hunter: Healing Begins When Someone Bears Witness (Excerpts of Coral Anika Theill's speech for the Rotary Club, Nov. 2016
I am a survivor of five decades of abuse---childhood sex trafficking by my own family, domestic violence, marital rape, ritual & spiritual abuse, therapist exploitation, maternal alienation, and nearly twenty years of “legal stalking” and judicial injustice. While I was married to my abusive ex-husband, I survived 20 years of domestic violence and torture. I was a nurturing and loving mother during the years of our marriage. My married life continued the pattern of my childhood. "The Handmaiden's Tale" was my reality.
I have spent long hours trying to make some sense of my life and have come to the conclusion that when horror overcomes us the only response possible is to remember what happened and tell the story.
Since 1999, I have lived under a “state address protection program” from my ex-husband [and the abusers and pastors who have enabled him.]
I have been legally stalked by my ex-husband for 20 years - 45 court hearings to date. The price of seeking safety from my abusive ex-husband was too high - it cost me my children as well as $250,000 thus far Many of my children (and in-laws) have assisted my abusive ex-husband in court.
What I experienced during my childhood, in my marriage, in the churches and the court system amounts to nothing less than hate crimes on a gender bias.
I have extensive documentation including affidavits from physicians, witnesses, co-workers and neighbors, court transcripts of 45 court related hearings and 45 hours of depositions, court audio tapes and videos, medical and mental reports, as well as juvenile court documents to substantiate my story. My court file is available to the public: Polk County Case No. 95 P-20693
Obedience and Submission 1976-1996: I was required to be a "helpmeet" in a world like the one from Margaret Atwood's dystopian novel "The Handmaiden’s Tale."
For nearly twenty years, I was married to a man who ruled his household with absolute authority. His personal justification for his behavior came from Biblical scripture. [as well as the Quiverfull Movement and the Duggar cult] and was akin to terrorism and hostage-taking: sexual coercion, financial restrictions, verbal and physical abuse, isolation from friends and family, denigration, controlling my decisions, whereabouts, education, and prohibiting me from working outside the home.
He took away my right to my own spiritual beliefs and practice, forced me to work long hours within the home (often without sleep), forbid the use of contraceptives, invaded my privacy (he read all my incoming and outgoing mail), forbid me to see my own physician and denied me medical care. During the course of our marriage, I bore him eight children. My firstborn children were identical twin girls. I also suffered three miscarriages. I home schooled the oldest children for several years, renovated three houses, baked, canned, gardened, etc. I was treated as a possession (slave). In the course of my marriage I was drawn, against my will, into several extreme fundamental churches and cults which emphasized patriarchal authority and the obedience of women. I was a nurturing and loving mother during the years of our marriage.
I sought safety in 1996 to save my life and to protect my children from further abuse. [Affidavits: Marty Warner, Independence, Oregon Abuses Wife & Children]
Within the confines of my marriage, I was "Ofmartin" - nothing more than an egg donor and brood mare for the church and state......until I escaped.
Leaving a family system that condones domestic violence, rape, the molestation and rape of children, psychological murder, coercive control, spiritual and ritual abuse [cults] was my only safe and sane choice.
BONSHEÁ has been used as a college text for nursing students at Linfield College, Portland, Oregon and is available in numerous libraries throughout Oregon as well as the Matilda Joslyn Gage Foundation Religious Freedom Room.
BONSHEÁ Making Light of the Dark shares my search for freedom and light in a society based on patriarchal religion and laws. It openly speaks about the ideas and beliefs in our society which foster sexism, racism, the denigration of human rights and the intolerance of difference. My documentation exposes the dark side of human nature when all people are not valued. A healthy society must have the courage to address these issues, speak about them, examine them and bring them to light. Indifference encourages, "silent violence"-the type of violence I experienced in my home, in the community, religious circles and judicial system. Nobel laureate, Elie Wiesel states, "The indifference to suffering makes the human inhumane."
Below are reviews of my 2013 published memoir, BONSHEA Making Light of the Dark
"Coral Theill's BONSHEÁ is intense in its effort to "open the doors" behind which many domestic violence perpetrators have stood for so long in the name of "privacy." She dispels painful secrets about the abuse and the violence in her life and the lives of her children, which is chilling to read about because of its pervasiveness, its limitlessness and its consequences. At every level-family and friends, key people in her community, the health care system, the legal and judicial system, and the culture which socializes us all-she met with adversity and re-victimization. In the telling of her recovery, which is truly remarkable given her circumstances, the reader gets a vivid sense of the indominability of her spirit and light. The strategies she shares with the reader can make a difference between being a victim and being a survivor. Her story is compelling reading for anyone living or surviving this experience.
"I recommend this book for health care providers, those in the criminal justice system, and volunteers or helpers of any kind to get insights and clarity about the complex dynamics of domestic violence and its toxic effects to individuals and society---and what needs to be done to eradicate this pandemic problem." – Barbara A. May, PhD, RN PMHP, Professor of Nursing, Linfield College, Portland, Oregon
"BONSHEÁ illustrates the degree to which the legal system can also be used as a vehicle to further perpetuate abuse even after the victim has chosen to take a stand against the abuse. In BONSHEÁ, Coral Theill has clearly chosen to take a courageous stand. It is a stand that comes with a cost, but whose dividends are measured in the strength of the soul." – John Haroldson, District Attorney, Benton County District Attorney's Office, Corvallis, Oregon, Five Star Review, Amazon
"I would love to discover that every judge, every minister, every person who seeks justice, would read this book! I have consulted thousands of abused women and know that the injustice Coral suffered, the loss of her children, is an all to common experience of abused women seeking to protect their children and to save themselves." - Patricia Evans, Author, The Verbally Abusive Relationship
For the past several years I have been a guest speaker at colleges, public meetings, libraries, and radio and TV shows to help raise awareness about domestic violence, rape, child abuse/molestation, judicial injustice, maternal alienation and court sanctioned kidnapping. I have also worked as a contributing writer for Leatherneck Magazine and Short Rations for Marines.
To help raise the consciousness about the mistreatment of mothers in America's courtrooms, I participated in a Silent Vigil for Mother's Day at the White House in 2010. In honor of Mother's Day 2014, the Pixel Project Survivor Stories Interviews featured my story to help raise monies for the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. In 2014 I submitted a request for a hearing with the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights and on August 1, 2015, 2016 and 2017, my Oregon case history was filed with the Claim Submitted to the United Nations on Modern Day Human Rights Crisis. I was assigned a USA case number. On January 5, 2016, my Polk County Oregon case history was submitted to the United States Supreme Court as a 'Declaration of Support' in Adkins v Adkins #15-754 addressing the due process violations in family courts across the United States. In October 2016, I participated in YOKO ONO'S ARISING PROJECT in Iceland, October 2016.
The most heartbreaking aspect of narcissistic abuse is that after escaping the most torturous, malicious and damaging abuse, all you want to do is recover, pick up the pieces of your shattered life and move forward. This is when the most intensive campaign is launched by the abuser. You find yourself being re victimized by the system and by the abuser's "flying monkeys." Instead of getting understanding and sympathy, you get further beaten down. No victim is fully prepared for this onslaught.
When I sought safety for my children and myself in January 1996, the Court allowed me to live in hiding with my young children and nursing infant prior to the court hearings, due to the testimony and affidavits of numerous witnesses. I retained an attorney and reported the crimes that had been committed against my children and me.
On March 10, 1996, I was forced, by an Order of the Court, and by my ex-husband, Marty Warner, his attorney, his family and religious supporters, to do something that raged against my good conscience, my common sense and against all my motherly instincts. After a temporary custody hearing, a Court Order signed by Judge Albin Norblad forcibly removed my nursing baby and two youngest children from me. I obeyed the Court Order and gave my children over to my ex-husband. I drove to the hospital, rented a breast-pump and later collapsed and went into shock. I could not understand what had happened and why. I have not yet recovered from the shock; perhaps I never will....
The price for my own safety and freedom in 1996 was an imposed, unnatural and unwanted separation from my eight children, including my nursing infant. The injustice committed against me is not just the physical separation from my children, but the willful desecration of the mother-child relationship and bond, a sacred spiritual and emotional entity.
My ex-husband, his pastors, family, friends and Christian school teachers alienated my children from me - telling my children and the community various lies - that I abandoned them, was living in a mental hospital, joined a biker gang and/or committed suicide. Throughout the years, I have also received 'hate mail' from my adult children.
While I was living out of my car, I received this letter/email from my daughter. Many of my children work in Christian ministries and/or colleges, i.e, InFaith Ministries and Corban University. Here is an excerpt:
"Satan desires to destroy you, Mom, and he loves what you are doing for him.
He’ll continue using you as a vessel and when he’s through with you he’ll tear
you down and throw you away. I grieve that things are this way but you are
a discouragement to me and I don’t want to hear from you until you have
changed. PS Don’t ever think badly of my father. You don't know what the
situation is here. Sincerely, Theresa (Warner) Arnold
Many of the Christians my children have chosen to socialize and worship with, embrace and support their father, Mr. Marty Warner, Independence, Oregon, a man who has committed criminal acts against his former wife and children. In short, these pastors, (and Bridgeport Community Church members), elders and Christians CONDONE crimes against children and women. This does not support my children's well being, only their delusion of themselves and their family.
You will never know where you are going unless you truly understand where you came from. It is important to take care of the "contamination of the past."
The men who would destroy women are not necessarily destroying only the mothers, their intent is to destroy the child. The mother is but a tool in this quest. He must destroy her to break the connection and reeducate the child into a likeness of himself, or destroy the child trying. I am an erased mother.
Although my daughter's husband, Jesse White, has never met me or spoke to me, he appears to know me. He posted many disparaging and untruthful comments about me online. Exposing Enablers: Meet Jesse White - You are a Coward and No Friend to D.V., Rape & Child Abuse Victims
I was only one of the many woman my ex-husband abused. Debbie Custis worked with my ex-husband at Hewlett-Packard in Corvallis, Oregon. She filed an affidavit regarding the abuse she suffered In the Circuit Court of the State of Oregon for the County of Polk, on behalf of Coral Anika Theill/Kathryn Y. Warner, Case No. 95P-20693.
In response to Jesse White's [my son-in-law] lies that he posted about me online, Debbie Custis wrote. "Trust me, he [Marty Warner] can “just flip on an internal switch” when he feels it’s necessary to appear to be a well-adjusted, upstanding member of the community. Feel fortunate that you’re not a “woman” and that Mr. Warner feels no need to “control” you!
"You didn’t see Coral with her three youngest children, her patience, the love and the bond that was so clearly there for all to see while she was in hiding from her husband, living from hotel to hotel, with no money, and no food, entirely dependent on friends and yes, even some strangers that wanted to help her. It’s easy to be kind, loving, and nurturing during the good times; Coral was all those things during the hard times as well.
"You weren’t there during the court proceedings. You didn’t listen to the absolute absence of feeling for his wife and her trauma in his answer when the judge asked “why would you continue to have marital relations with your wife in her current physical and mental condition.” I was there. I was also outside the courtroom walking the baby when I couldn’t stand to hear any more of what he said in court.
"You weren’t there when the court decided to take Coral’s children away. You didn’t see a woman sobbing, rocking back and forth consumed with the kind of grief that only another parent could understand and yet, not wholly fathom.
"You weren’t there when we picked up the three youngest children and delivered them to Mr. Warner. You didn’t hear the screams and sobbing of the two little girls in the back seat of my car on the trip to Mr. Warner’s. You never had to watch a grief-stricken mother trying to pump painfully engorged breasts because her six-month-old nursing baby had just been wrenched from her. "Tell me something, what had Coral ever done to deserve this? Coral Theill was a warm and loving mother. She was also a good wife. To this day she loves her eight children deeply, even the ones who no longer call her mother. Coral was the sole nurturer, caregiver, and teacher in that family for nearly 20 years. "At least half of those wonderful, talented, children you speak of received their foundation from their mom. "It saddens and sickens me that all of the wonderful things the children learned from their mother; all of the warm and happy memories that should be Coral’s legacy to these children have been tossed away like yesterday’s garbage. That, sir, is the real tragedy.—Debbie Custis, Salem, Oregon
Coral Anika Theill at The George Washington University Law School
Many mothers who seek safety from abuse are routinely prohibited from having even the most basic contact with their own children, not because they were unfit parents, but because they were outspent, out represented, and out-maneuvered in a court atmosphere that seems to favor those who inflict domestic violence.
Battered women may lose their babies and children, their homes, their friends and their livelihood. Survivors of childhood abuse will often even lose their families. Rarely does society recognize the dimensions and long lasting effects of this reality for the victim.
Women trapped in relationships with abusers come to expect horrendous misbehavior and violence from their partners. What they cannot fathom is the maddening reinforcement commonly provided to abusive men by the justice system, the religious community and the public at large. Tragically, the key abuse collaborator is the custody judge. Of all the bad actors in a battered woman's life, none wield more power over a mother and her children. It is beyond infuriating when women discover that their custody judges either lack understanding of domestic violence or intentionally collude with abusers to take away women's financial resources and, even worse, their children.
Judith Herman, M.D. maintains that the function of domestic violence is to preserve male supremacy. “Perpetrators understand intuitively that the purpose of their behavior is to put women in their place and that their behavior will be condoned by other men [women] as long as the victim is a legitimate target. Thus, women live with a fear of men which pervades all of life and which convinces women that their weakness is innate and unchangeable. The legal system is designed to protect men from the superior power of the state but not to protect women or children from the superior power of men. It therefore provides strong guarantees for the rights of the accused but essentially no guarantees for the rights of the victim. If one set out by design to devise a system for provoking intrusive post-traumatic symptoms, one could not do better than a court of law."
Forcibly taking a mother's children, and then controlling her emotionally by withholding contact must be publicly recognized as one of the greatest forms of 'mis-use' of the American justice system and one of the greatest hidden vehicles for wide-spread socially approved physical and emotional abuse and control.
While many people focus their outrage on the judicial system alone, it’s easy to lose sight of broader problems that assist in the culture of abuse—like churches, pastors, family members and the local community. These elements, too, played a role in the corruption and silence that has allowed a man like my ex-husband, Marty Warner, of Independence, Oregon, and others like him, to operate untouched for so long.
What I learned through these past few decades is that domestic violence, rape, child abuse and child sexual molestation is socially acceptable in our society and often in many church settings. This needs to change!
Photo of half-way house, "Wings of Love" on Killingsworth in Portland, Oregon where I lived in 1994.
Note: Barbed wire is pointed inward - to keep prisoners from escaping. During this period of time my ex-husband was following the advice of his unlicensed counselor, Pastor Bill Heard, Roseburg, Oregon and advisors from the Bill Gothard Institute (and cult) in Chicago, Illinois.
During the period of my breakdown/depression in the spring of 1994, my husband, Marty Warner, and his pastors kidnapped me and left me at the "Wing's of Love" half-way house on Killingsworth in Portland, Oregon, to punish and "break me" (their words) to the will of God. The house was a shelter for ex-cons, street people and prostitutes. It was filthy and infested with rats and lice. My husband’s debt-free estate, at this time, was over a quarter- of- a million dollars. It was a frightening experience during the period of my illness/breakdown for my “abuser” ex-husband, his Christian cult leaders and religious supporters to be in charge of my “recovery program.” Three months earlier, I had a D & C due to my 3rd miscarriage from being raped by my husband. I was helpless and physically and mentally incapacitated during this time due to my breakdown and partial stroke.
By January 1995 I had recovered emotionally and mentally from my previous post-partum depression/breakdown. While pregnant with my eighth child, my trusted physician and OBGyn, Dr. Charles South, Albany, Oregon, recommended I seek safety and a divorce before I became a "statistic."
After the birth of my eighth child in July 1995, I followed my doctor's advice, retained an attorney, reported crimes committed in our home and filed for a divorce.
I initially retained an attorney in October 1995 to report crimes committed in our home against my children and to seek safety. My husband, Pastor Bill Heard, Roseburg, Oregon and Pastor Ron Sutter, Monmouth, Oregon were aware of the crimes - in their minds the crimes were to remain a "family and church secret." I was threatened not to report the crimes to the authorities. I reported the crimes to the Polk County Sheriff, took my younger daughters to their physician and a counselor. Several months later, I lost custody and finally all contact with my children. The convicted Oregon Sex Offender, who raped my daughters can see them any time - I cannot, per Court Order.. My ex-husband and the pastors who covered up the crimes suffered no consequences. (See article "It's Not Just The Duggars: The Dangers Inside the Christian Conservative Movement"
In 1996, in preparation for the child custody court hearings, I passed six psychological exams. Several of the exams were three and four hour interviews from top physicians in Oregon. My ex-husband failed his court ordered psychological exam.
To heal and recover from violent crimes, survivors need the community (and the courts) to create the conditions for an experience of justice. Without justice, there is no healing. Unless we speak out against the injustices in our society, we become accomplices to the individuals and institutions that are an obstacle to women and children’s wholeness, safety and wellness.
I am grateful I was able to escape my abuser and survive the decades of court trauma and abuse. I will NEVER forget, though, how it felt for years---like digging out of a grave with my fingernails and often the dirt caving back in on me. I didn't stop, I didn't give up hope that 'this could be.'
In May 2013, Sergeant Major Brian K. Jackson, USMC (Ret) wrote a letter on my behalf to Mr. Joel Corcoran and Oregon Senator Jeff Merkley.
Excerpt: "As I watch the news today, I see all sorts of other cases pretty similar to Coral Theill's. The thing that I just do not understand about our "system" is why or how can we allow what happened to Coral (and is still happening) to happen. Some are held against their will, raped, battered, abused and then glorified as are the three ladies from Ohio. Guys are considered "heroes" as a result of being the person to make a phone call to the authorities about it.
"Then we have those in the same situation (and maybe even worse) who are blamed, ostracized from society, stripped not only of their children but of their dignity, ridiculed, and even forced into hiding and receive absolutely no support from anyone in the justice system who by the way are supposed to be by the people, of the people and for the people."
I met Senator Jeff Merkley in July 2014 per the recommendation of his assistant, Mr. Corcoran. I gave Senator Merkley a copy of my published memoir and a 20 page detailed account of the abuse I have suffered in Oregon's Family Courts.
Coral Anika Theill and Senator Jeff Merkley (OR)
Christine Pahl, MS, LPC, Salem, Oregon, summed up my story in her "forward" for my memoir, "The need to tell people to “get over it” is born out of our own need to escape the reality of the evil that actually exists in this world. What happened to Coral is pure evil and a testimony to the vulnerability we all have. The question remains whose side are we on—the victim’s or the perpetrators? I think in Coral’s documentation of what has happened to her, it is quite evident whose side the system and people of power are on. What frightens me is the absolute vulnerability we all have to people in power and the values and beliefs that these individuals hold which could impact every single one of us should we become prey to the system or as Judith Herman wrote “to come face to face with human vulnerability in the natural world and with the capacity for evil in human nature.”
On March 10, 2017, I wrote a OPEN LETTER to Oregon Governor Kate Brown, Lawmakers, Advocates & Clergy. This Letter is Dedicated to Mothers of Lost Children & the Children Who Were Alienated from their Protective Moms.
Kalie, could you please read this letter and share on my daughter's MOTHER'S DAY Facebook post? Mother of 8 Battered & Raped in the Name of 'God': Open Letter to Oregon Governor Brown, Lawmakers, Advocates & Clergy, March 10, 2017 by Coral Anika Theill.
The freedom that I gained when I broke my silence about the abuse I suffered I wouldn’t trade for anything. Once secrets are exposed to the light, they lose their power over you.
Keeping secrets only protects the abuser. Abuse does not deserve privacy. If violence cannot be talked about, it cannot be stopped.
There are individuals mentioned in my story [including my own children] who refused to acknowledge the horrors of my survival of marital abuse and my cry for help. They became an obstacle to my basic human rights—freedom and safety. I am holding them responsible and accountable for the continued trauma I have experienced throughout the past twenty years.
"This truly happened to this beautiful, wonderful woman and mother. I can never fully explain to all of you how horrendous this was. Not only did I try to help Coral, her husband was my supervisor at the time and I was battling my own personal hell with Marty Warner in the work place. He was a disgusting, sexist man, who had no business supervising women in any capacity. He tried/did talk to me "privately" about Coral (captive audience) and my heart ached for her. I didn't even know her at the time and I was sickened for her. I only had to deal with him at work, she had to live with him in her own personal prison!!
"It's hard for me to revisit in my mind and memories working for him [Marty Warner].
I was stressed, anxious, and depressed all the time. I don't know how Coral has survived his lies, abuse, sick ideologies, losing her children (yes, I delivered the girls into his hands when she lost her court case, and still remember the screaming and crying coming from my back seat when they were pulled away from their mother). I salute you, Coral, want nothing but happiness for you, and grew to love you very much." - April 20, 2015, Debbie Custis
Although my children have erased me from their life, I am not dead, I am very much alive, and I have a face, and a name.
I have been and will always be very involved in their life, even if it is only through prayer. I am praying that someday my children will choose to become "aware, awake and conscious" concerning details of their past and present. Their lack of awareness regarding their own life will greatly affect those around them. I pray my children will find good role models and mentors. I also pray that someday my children find the courage to walk through the unpleasant details of their past.
I choose to not participate in the silence that protects perpetrators and isolates survivors.
I truly believe more victims would be willing to share their pain, fear and shame if they could expect to be believed, respected and vindicated.
Thank you for listening. If you have questions, please feel free to contact me.
In closing, who will you believe, Kalie? And what will you do to help make a difference?
I look forward to hearing from you.
Coral Anika Theill
Author, Advocate, Speaker & Reporter
D.V., Rape, & Ritual Abuse Victim & Survivor
Memoir: BONSHEA Making Light of the Dark
America's Deadly Domestic Violence Problem: At Least A Third Of All Women Murdered In The U.S. Are Killed By Male Partners
I Grew Up in a Fundamental Cult ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ Was My Reality - I was raised to be a helpmeet in a world like the one from Margaret Atwood’s chillingly prescient book
Mother of 8 Battered & Raped in the Name of 'God': Open Letter to Oregon Governor Brown, Lawmakers, Advocates & Clergy by Coral Anika Theill
Coral Anika Theill, I wish your children knew how much you love them. That you were fighting for your own life, with no money, no support from family and few friends. I wish for you that they learn all there is to know about abuse - physical abuse and especially emotional abuse. I wish for you that they will learn, make it a point to learn how many women you've helped because of the hell you went through. Most of all? I wish for you that one day they know just how loved and respected you are by hundreds of women who have lost their children to emotional and physical abusers. I hope they learn about parental alienation and the mental manipulation used by the abusive parent to convince their children that the mother is horrible when in fact it's the other way around. - Kathleen Stevens, D.V. & Protective Mother Advocate, Stop Domestic Violence, Vancouver, Washington
(L to R) Sarah (Warner) Bobeda, 2 years old, Aaron Warner, 3 months old, Coral Anika Theill (Mom) and Rachel (Warner) White, 2 years old, 1981