Nobody Can Erase the Imprint of a Mother's Love
I received this letter of encouragement a few years ago from one of my readers.
It is included in my 2013 published memoir, BONSHEA Making Light of the Dark.
Kathleen Sullivan, a clinical therapist in Chattanooga, Tennessee, wrote,
Even if your children choose not to have further contact with you (that is always our greatest fear as estranged parents); it doesn’t mean that our children won’t know -unconsciously at the minimum – that they are cherished and loved by someone outside their lives with the perpetrators. They may not be able to remember that we were the source of that love, but they will still have a strong sense that it’s out there. They may equate the big, powerful outside with a god or goddess; that’s okay. It still works to help them to feel truly loved, and protected, and cared about – in the most secret compartment of their soul, where it is not touched by any invader.
Even if our children are too young to remember when they’re removed from us, or if they have been brainwashed by their new caregivers to think of us as other than who we really are – and criminal sociopaths are usually quite good at that – our children’s earliest sensory memories of our love and nurturing will remain a mental/emotional protective factor for the rest of their lives.
I’ve learned enough about childhood neurobiological development and secure attachment to understand why it happens that way. Our conscious memories of our parents’ love – if we experienced such love – may fade away completely or be suppressed out of necessity to conform with our new family system and keep them from turning on us in anger.
Still, the neurobiological/sensory imprint of our parents’ love is like a fossil imprinted deeply in a dense rock. The nonverbal neurological/sensory imprint remains for life and is a part of everything we are and do; even if we’re completely aware of its influence.
Nobody can erase the imprint without killing us because the imprint of love is strong, more natural, and more resilient than the effects of human evil. And so, even if you are not able to connect with your children now; you’ve already given them their most important protective factor: "early-onset" love and nurturing." – Kathleen A. Sullivan, MSW
The price for my own safety and freedom in 1996 was an imposed, unnatural and unwanted separation from my eight children, including my nursing infant. The injustice committed against me is not just the physical separation from my children, but the willful desecration of the mother-child relationship and bond, a sacred spiritual and emotional entity.
Many mothers who seek safety from abuse are routinely prohibited from having even the most basic contact with their own children, not because they were unfit parents, but because they were outspent, out represented, and out-maneuvered in a court atmosphere not prepared to understand the needs of families dealing with domestic violence.
Forcibly taking a mother's children, and then controlling her emotionally by withholding contact must be publicly recognized as one of the greatest forms of 'mis-use' of the American justice system and one of the greatest hidden vehicles for wide-spread socially approved physical and emotional abuse and control.