Maternal Alienation is the Ultimate Hate Crime
We live in a society that is run by greed, fueled by sociopaths and adored by narcissists. Is it a wonder that so many good mothers are losing custody of their children for no apparent reason?
The BONSHEÁ Making Light of the Dark Facebook page is dedicated to Trauma Survivors and Mothers of Lost Children.
BONSHEÁ – Yaqui Indian – meaning ‘out of the darkness into the light’
I AM Coral Anika Theill, author of BONSHEA Making Light of the Dark. I AM a survivor of childhood sex trafficking, molestation and abuse, rape, domestic violence, marital rape, ritual & spiritual abuse, coercive control, therapist exploitation, maternal alienation and deprivation and nearly twenty years of “legal stalking” and judicial injustice. I have lived under a "state address protection program" from my abuser/rapist, Marty Warner, Independence, Oregon, since 1999.
I am one of the tens of thousands of mothers who lost all contact and custody of my children. Maternal Alienation is the Ultimate Hate Crime.
My case speaks loudly of the insidious crimes that are legally permitted and condoned under the guise of church and state-sanctioned domination of males in marriage. The message that the current judicial system gives to many domestic violence and rape victims is that they are not worthy, and that no one cares. This needs to change.
It has long been known by those who seek power over others, Hitler, the Taliban, Genghis Kahn and many others throughout history, that the way to destroy a population is to destroy their connections to their past.
The men who would destroy women are not necessarily destroying only the mothers, their intent is to destroy the child. The mother is but a tool in this quest, a tool that serves as proof of the man's past. He must destroy her to break the connection and reeducate the child into a likeness of himself, or destroy the child trying.
It should be a goal of every court to uncover the past of any man who seeks custody of a child, an unnatural position for a male. Was he himself abused and now seeks to remake his own childhood through his offspring?
What of the people who help him in this endeavor? American society is the least giving of all modern societies, so the motivations of those who would place a child in an unnatural situation must be scrutinized. To seek power over groups of others, as is the case with lawyers, "experts", police and judges, they must have the tendencies of a narcissist, a sociopath or a psychopath as a result of treatment they received as a child. They suffer from Stockholm syndrome, identifying with the abusive person, stemming from the abuse they suffered.
I choose to not participate in the silence that protects perpetrators and isolates survivors.
(Dallas, Oregon) "I went to Oregon's judicial system for help and was not prepared for the horrors I experienced within our legal system. I found a system which treated me as deplorably as my former husband and his religious supporters. I have extensive documentation, including affidavits, court transcripts, tapes and videos, medical and mental reports, and witnesses to substantiate and elaborate on this story. I believe that when this case comes to light, someone will have to answer for the abuse and silent violence I have suffered in the Polk, Marion, and Wasco County courts.
Marital and ritual abuse evolved into legal abuse.
"The price for my own safety and freedom in 1996 was an imposed, unnatural and unwanted separation from my eight children, including my nursing infant. The injustice committed against me is not just the physical separation from my children, but the willful desecration of the mother-child relationship and bond, a sacred spiritual and emotional entity.
"Many mothers who seek safety from abuse are routinely prohibited from having even the most basic contact with their own children, not because they were unfit parents, but because they were outspent, out represented, and out-maneuvered in a court atmosphere not prepared to understand the needs of families dealing with domestic violence.
"Battered women may lose their babies and children, their homes, their friends and their livelihood. Survivors of childhood abuse will often even lose their families. Rarely does society recognize the dimensions and long lasting effects of this reality for the victim.
"After over a decade of personally seeking assistance from advocacy groups on a local, state and national level, the advocacy system, as is, has offered me nothing.
"Forcibly taking a mother's children, and then controlling her emotionally by withholding contact must be publicly recognized as one of the greatest forms of 'mis-use' of the American justice system and one of the greatest hidden vehicles for wide-spread socially approved physical and emotional abuse and control." - Coral Anika Theill, Bonshea Making Light of the Dark
My life has not been pretty. I hope my writings will offer encouragement and
help keep people from despair.
I legally changed my name in 1999 and entered an address protection program.
"Battered women with children often receive painfully ironic mixed messages from the government. On one hand, they are urged by state actors-such as the police, child welfare agencies, and district attorneys-to leave their batterers and flee to a confidentially located shelter to protect themselves and their children. On the other hand, once these women finally do take the courageous step to leave, they are often pressured by those working in the family court system to negotiate child custody and visitation with their batterers and to encourage an ongoing relationship between their batterers and their children, many of whom have been victimized by these same men.
"Battered mothers are often expected to yield to custody and visitation orders that may require them and their children to maintain long-term, unprotected contact with the batterers. If they fail to comply with these court orders, they risk being held in contempt of court or even losing custody of their children to the batterers. - Slote, K. Y., Cuthbert, C., Mesh, C. J., Driggers, M. G., Bancroft, L., & Silverman, J. G. (2005). Battered mothers speak out: Participatory human rights documentation as a model for research and activism in the United States. Violence Against Women, 11(11), 1367-95.
“The intent of 'Maternal Deprivation' is to punish the mother and the child for revealing the abuse and to falsely claim that they are not abusive. This very commonly occurs as there are more and more “abuse-excuse” parental alienation accusing professionals who use this scientifically invalid theory over and over to achieve specific goals of the person paying them. Maternal Deprivation can also occur in response to child support legal proceedings. "When occurring in this manner, Maternal Deprivation is a response to the financial demands as retaliation. Suddenly the father who had little prior involvement wants to take the kids half the time to avoid child support obligations, etc. When the men are really abusive, they ask for sole custody and demand the mother of the child pay them.
"Maternal Deprivation occurs when men seek to keep their children from being raised by their mothers who are the children’s natural caretakers. Some men murder the mothers of their own children. Others seek to sever the maternal bonds by making false allegations of fictitious psychological syndromes in a deliberate effort to change custody and/or keep the child from having contact with their mother when there are legal proceedings. A twisted form of Maternal Deprivation is to kill the children, so that the mother will be left to suffer.
"Sometimes there are family annihilation murders where the father kills the children and himself (or dies by cop), but the mother is not killed because she has received protective orders and her children have not as in the case of Jessica Gonzales.
"Losing Custody of your child is shameful and elicits public condemnation. It is also the symbol of "patriarchal ownership" that exists still today. The chattel laws of the past are very much alive and the only women who retain custody after divorce are those whose husbands did not fight. When we divorce in this society, we are divorcing the protection of marriage, like an umbrella, the rights given to men were shared with the wife. Once divorced, we are not protected under the law and, therefore, our children are not protected either. Nor do we have a rightful claim to the children we birthed. We are set adrift in a society still clinging to archaic practices. The manipulation and retaliation, the denial and complicit behavior of community are foundations in patriarchal society where male superiority is king, and women who fight back against this rule are punished severely. Mothers desperately, both individually and collectively, need to be vindicated and our good names restored." - Melissa Barnett, Mothers of Lost Children Advocate
Judith Herman, M.D. maintains that the function of domestic violence is to preserve male supremacy. “Perpetrators understand intuitively that the purpose of their behavior is to put women in their place and that their behavior will be condoned by other men [women] as long as the victim is a legitimate target. Thus, women live with a fear of men which pervades all of life and which convinces women that their weakness is innate and unchangeable. The legal system is designed to protect men from the superior power of the state but not to protect women or children from the superior power of men. It therefore provides strong guarantees for the rights of the accused but essentially no guarantees for the rights of the victim. If one set out by design to devise a system for provoking intrusive post-traumatic symptoms, one could not do better than a court of law." - Trauma and Recovery
"I have spent long hours trying to make some sense of my life and have come to the conclusion that when horror overcomes us the only response possible is to remember what happened and tell the story." - Coral Anika Theill, Bonshea Making Light of the Dark
Related articles and Resources:
"What is Fair for Children of Abusive Men? by Jack C. Straton, Ph.D.
MATERNAL ALIENATION: The Ultimate Hate Crime by Melissa Barnett
Motherlessness: A Child Torture by Melissa Barnett
Negative Social Stigma for Non-Custodial Mothers by Coral Anika Theill
by Coral Anika Theill
MOTHERS OF LOST CHILDREN & TRAUMA SURVIVORS Resource List by Coral Anika Theill