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The Day I was No Longer Allowed to be a Mother: A Protective Mother & Hats

For the past 21 years I have honored my survival of the abrupt removal of my young children and baby by purchasing a hat on the day I was no longer "allowed" to be a mother. There is no healing from this type of deep psychic wound. Maternal Deprivation is a Human Rights Issue.

On March 10, 1996, I was forced, by an Order of the Court, and by my ex-husband, Marty Warner, his attorney, his family and religious supporters, to do something that raged against my good conscience, my common sense and against all my motherly instincts. After a temporary custody hearing, a Court Order signed by Judge Albin Norblad forcibly removed my nursing baby and two youngest children from me. I obeyed the Court Order and gave my children over to my ex-husband. I drove to the hospital, rented a breast-pump and later collapsed and went into shock. I could not understand what had happened and why. I have not yet recovered from the shock; perhaps I never will....

When I sought safety for my children and myself in January 1996, the Court allowed me to live in hiding with my young children prior to the court hearings, due to the testimony and affidavits of numerous witnesses. I retained an attorney and reported the crimes that had been committed against my children and me.

Losing permanent custody and visitation of your children feels like being doused in oil and set on fire. Healing is slow and difficult. The pain never goes away. One doctor describes removing a nursing infant from a mother similar to castrating a man. I still wake up with night terrors. The memory of being forced to give up my children is a continual torment to my body, mind and soul.

Removing a mother’s children from her, when she has committed no crime, is cruel and unusual punishment. The physical, mental, and emotional toll of surviving the negligence, abuse and trauma from the individuals who are part of my story will last forever. Although I risked everything to escape from my ex-husband, and in some ways I lost everything, I have never been more sane or more sure that the choices I made were the only choices I could make and survive.

A judge’s signature on a white sheet of paper can be a shattering experience for an individual. I believe judges in America will continue to use their absolute power until people wake up from their “huddled fear”. A non-custodial mother remarks: “to lose one’s children in such a way would unmake any woman.” And it is true. Taking a woman’s children is the last great punishment an abuser can scar them with. To be publicly and permanently branded ‘unfit’ is a new scarlet letter. It can and will scar an entire family for life.

​The price for my own safety and freedom in 1996 was an imposed, unnatural and unwanted separation from my eight children, including my nursing infant. The injustice committed against me is not just the physical separation from my children, but the willful desecration of the mother-child relationship and bond, a sacred spiritual and emotional entity.

The first day I realized I had no more fear of those who wished to harm me was in October 1996, during my final divorce hearing in Salem, Oregon. Judge Albin Norblad, Circuit Court Judge of Oregon, arrogantly asked me what I had done with myself since he had taken my baby and children from me six months earlier. I said, "Well, your honor, I worked two jobs (80 hour work weeks), stayed in touch with counselors and good friends, and enrolled in exercise classes. But, your honor, I just want to say one thing, "If you take a baby from a mother who does not have a good support group, you will be dredging her out of the Willamette River." He was shocked I would be so bold, but I was putting out a warning that what he did to me on March 10, 1996, was beyond cruel. His actions were inhumane.

In 1999, I legally changed my name and entered a state address protection program for safety from my ex-husband. A federally funded program, to protect my safety, acknowledged I was a victim of extreme abuse, yet the Courts remanded my eight children to a known perpetrator, the children’s father.

I eventually lost all contact with my eight children. Numerous Christian pastors, church members, Christian school teachers, and my own children and in-laws, have supported my abusive ex-husband, Mr. Marty Warner, Independence, Oregon, personally and/or in the courtroom since 1995 – 2017, [approximately 45 court related hearings to date] condoning the crimes of domestic violence, kidnapping, rape, child abuse/molestation, and cult and ritual abuse. They have assisted my ex-husband in brainwashing my children to hate me. In 2003, I ended up homeless due to the ongoing court abuse.

What I experienced during my childhood, in my marriage, in the churches and the court system amounts to nothing less than hate crimes with a gender bias.

My case speaks loudly of the insidious crimes that are legally permitted and condoned under the guise of church and state-sanctioned domination of males in marriage. The message that the current judicial system gives to many domestic violence and rape victims is that they are not worthy, and that no one cares. This needs to change.

It has long been known by those who seek power over others, Hitler, the Taliban, Genghis Kahn and many others throughout history, that the way to destroy a population is to destroy their connections to their past.

The men who would destroy women are not necessarily destroying only the mothers, their intent is to destroy the child. The mother is but a tool in this quest, a tool that serves as proof of the man's past. He must destroy her to break the connection and reeducate the child into a likeness of himself, or destroy the child trying.

It should be a goal of every court to uncover the past of any man who seeks custody of a child, an unnatural position for a male. Was he himself abused and now seeks to remake his own childhood through his offspring?

What of the people who help him in this endeavor? American society is the least giving of all modern societies, so the motivations of those who would place a child in an unnatural situation must be scrutinized. To seek power over groups of others, as is the case with lawyers, "experts", police and judges, they must have the tendencies of a narcissist, a sociopath or a psychopath as a result of treatment they received as a child. They suffer from Stockholm syndrome, identifying with the abusive person, stemming from the abuse they suffered.

As a survivor of childhood and adult violence & trauma, I write and use my voice to advocate for protective mothers, as well as trauma survivors and wounded warriors. I also advocate for victims of therapist, spiritual, church and ritual abuse.

It is not easy for survivors to share their experiences about violence and injustices, but we do so to offer comfort to others who are suffering, so they will not despair.

Violators can't live with the truth. Survivors can't live without it.

The journey from March 10, 1996 to March 10, 2017 has cut deep wounds in me. To help raise the consciousness in our society about family, church, societal and court violence, I wrote my memoir, BONSHEÁ Making Light of the Dark.

It is difficult to hold on to the idea of change and reform when our abusers are FULLY supported by court officials, church leaders, church members and the local community.

I believe exposing enablers is just as important as exposing the men who abuse women and children.

Forcibly taking a mother's children, and then controlling her emotionally by withholding contact must be publicly recognized as one of the greatest forms of 'mis-use' of the American justice system and one of the greatest hidden vehicles for wide-spread socially approved physical and emotional abuse and control.

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